The hate list

I gotta be honest with you, blog reader: not a lot of thought goes into my blog posts. I don't spend a lot of time crafting a thesis, writing an outline, or stealing jokes from lesser known bloggers. I don't even usually re-read my posts cause damn... I do that all day.

I usually say, hey self... why don't you blog something so you don't feel like such a fracking failure of a writer. Then I cry for 30 minutes, find a topic and head over here to rattle off 15 minutes worth of thoughts, hit publish and send the contents of my word vomit out into cyber space to be found by the kind of people who google, "construction company picnic games contests." (Seriously.)

Just wanted to give you a little insight into the mind of the blog magician.

But since you're here, hey, how about a little story?

When I was in high school (GLORY DAYS!), I used to hang out in big packs of people. On weekend nights, my mother would literally drop me on corners and a huge crowd of like 30 friends would wander the neighborhood until we found a parent willing to let the group of us into their basement where we would TOTALLY MAKE OUT.

When we weren't attempting to open beer bottles by breaking them on the cement, we did things like compile a "Hate List." Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking we put other students on it, and spread vicious rumors about classmates. But alas, dear blog reader, my life is not a Tina Fey movie. Examples of things on our hate list included: The pledge of allegiance, the Mowry sisters, and the quadratic formula. See, we couldn't spread vicious rumors about the nerds in our class because WE WERE THE NERDS. And weeeeeee were quirky!

Anyways, I'm pretty sure I held said hate list for the duration of high school, and we'd add as necessary. And then I lost it. I'd give my right arm to see it because it became legendary and I could really use it to milk for a blog post. Oh wait...

As I've gotten older, there's a lot more to hate. Here's a few things I hate:

• Milk.
• The fact that no one cleans up after me.
  
• Anyone who runs a mile under 12 minutes.
  
• Sylvester Stallone's creepy arms.
• Fake laughter.
  
• Thinking.
• Bad iced coffee.
  
• When my windshield wipers get sucky.
• Myself, for reading Perez Hilton.com.
  
• Star Wars/Major League quotes.
• Celebrities who drop 40 pounds 3 weeks after they give birth to four pound babies.
  
• Sunshine.
  
• Sherbet.
• Guilt trips.
  
• Crazy cakes statements from Jesse Jackson.
• LOLing over 16.
• Renee Zellweger's weird squish face.
  
• People who spell Twilight -- Twighlight. You are just all kinds of dumb, girl.
• High school boys with more precise hairdos than I have.
• People who insist I repeat my last name so they can know how to pronounce it correctly when it doesn't matter/they won't remember.
  
• Anyone who thought the following movies were good: Step Brothers, No Country for Old Men or The Thin Red Line.
• The fact I will never look like this.
• Insects.
  
• Kombucha. Because I don't know what it is and all of a sudden it's everywhere. I fear what I do not understand.
• Lady Gaga.
  
• HTML.
• Men's Health.
  
• The credit card commercial that ends with a song playing that says, "Callll meeeeeeee."
  
• Nurses who can't spell surgery. There ain't no sugar in it.
• When I want to drop a swear word on the internet but I can't because my "mom" and "my superiors" read my blog.
• The fact that this man and I will never be one.
  
• Laziness.
• My back.
• When my mix CDs get scratched.
  
• Having to create user names and passwords for EVERYTHING.
• Bloggers who get free stuff. That ain't fair. I want a year long supply of Venus flytraps, Jordan almonds, desk calendars, SOMETHING.
• Excessive hating. Seriously, lighten up.
  

I'm thinking I'll add to this list as time goes on because I do hate so, so much. What do you hate dear reader? An no, no names.

I'll bet that you look good on the dancefloor

Do you like music? You do? Gosh, we have so much in common.

I'm a girl. No.... really. As such, I've had a few mix tapes made for me in my life. I guess I attract that kind of man. It could be worse. I could attract the kind of man who gives me an STD.

Mix tapes are a great thing to receive, whether it be from a friend or someone who's interested in you (the MORE you KNOW). Jeff has made me a boat load of mix CDs in our relationship, I'd venture to say over 30. He's been, basically, my entire source of new music over the last four or so years. He always complains how I don't make any mix CDs for him... how could I? I'm a hermit.

But recently, I've been exchanging mix CDs with a friend. And like Rob Gordon once said, "The making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing."

When you make somebody a mix CD you desperately want them to love it. You want them to think, "The maker of this CD is keenly aware of all things cool. She obviously is someone with many friends with tattoos and piercings and probably once had purple hair. She eats all her food with chopsticks and conducts her business at coffee houses. She knows sign language and has been to Croatia."

Anywhoozle, I went the ol' Cover Songs route the last exchange. And if I do say so myself, it was pretty dope. (Do people still use that word? If not, they will, because I have, and I am at the forefront of TRENDS.)

Here be the track list. And here's a link to all the songs on a playlist. Love 8tracks!

Track 01: Into the Mystic -- Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (Van Morrison)

A few months ago I saw a little movie called "Once." If you have not seen this movie, you need to DROP IT right now and rent it. I enjoyed it so much I watched it twice, nearly back to back. I loved it so much I wouldn't shut up about it. I like it so much that you would not want to see it just because, just to spite me, because I love it so much. While spite is a perfectly good reason not to see a movie, I urge you not to miss out just because I make you roll your eyes. The movie stars the aformentioned Hansard/Irglova combo and their voices are like butter and brown sugar together. And Into the Mystic is one of my favorite songs of all time.

Track 02: Baby I'm Yours -- Arctic Monkeys

Track 03: Overkill -- Colin Hay

Technically cheating. I did not know this was a self cover until I was halfway through watching the VIDEO of the original and thought to myself, "Duhhh... these two lead singers sound awfully alike!" Then I walked into a doorframe and washed a pen with my clothes.

Track 04: Bizarre Love Triangle -- Frente!

Don't you love when a female covers a male vocal? This song is so stripped down it's GAWGEOUS.

Track 05: Jolene -- White Stripes

GOOSEBUMPS. Not the series, the sensation.

Track 06: I Just Can't Help Falling in Love With You -- U2

Track 07: Just Like Heaven -- Laura Cortese

Track 08: Hurt -- Johnny Cash

Track 09: Asshole -- Tom Petty

Track 10: Sheena Is a Punk Rocker -- Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

Track 11: Live and Let Die -- Guns and Roses

These are all pretty self explanatory, right? I'm going to keep going if you don't mind.

Track 12: Gone Daddy Gone -- Gnarls Barkley

I popped this one on here because said friend is a Violent Femmes fan. For some reason this song makes me want to the do the mashed potato (do the mashed potato).

Track 13: Don't Let Me Down -- Stereophonics

Track 14: Romeo and Juliet -- The Killers

Track 15: Scarlet Begonias -- Sublime

Track 16: You Ain't Going Nowhere -- Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

So nice I had to include them twice. Oooooo weeee!

Track 17: Running to Stand Still -- Elbow

Track 18: Wonderwall -- Ryan Adams (Thanks Jessica!)

Track 19: Mad World -- Gary Jules (it's a cover, look it up!)

Track 20: Last Kiss -- Pearl Jam

Track 21: I Will Survive -- Cake

Track 22: I Just Gotta Get a Message to You -- Gavin Castleton

I love a good key change. Who doesn't?

What other good covers are there out there? Anyone else have any good summer playlists they want to share? Hello... is this thing on?

It couldn't have been that easy to forget about me

Did you know that one of the suggestions blogspot gives you for tags is "scooters"?

I'm afraid I'm not here to write about scooters. I have something even more exciting than scooters to talk about. No, not super shammies.... EVEN better.

I had a good week/end. And is there anything that makes you feel better about your life than knowing my life is good? I thought not.

It all started at Sharx. (Not a gay bar, unfortunately.)

Duh... nuh... duh... nuh... dun nuh dun nuh.

I brought my clever pop culture references down to Rhode Island for a night to celebrate the 27th of one of Earth's truly fine fellas: my bestie Justin.

The birthday boy.

Not the birthday boy.

It was a truly fine time. I drank some girly drinks, reminisced with my oldest friends about all the dumb stuff we used to do and ate boneless buffalo wings at an unreasonable hour. Success!

But Rhode Island wasn't done with me yet. Not by a long shot.

(I thought this blog needed a little cliffhanger drama.)

The next day Jeff and I headed back to the Ocean State for a BBQ at my uncle's beautiful Scituate home.

Jeff gets SUPER excited when I take him out.

Jeff played about four hours of "bag toss"...

... while I took emo pics of myself lying in the grass. (I call this one "Morning Mist.")

We were also there to celebrate my gorgeous cousin Katie's birthday. (She's the blonde, in case you have trouble deciphering obvious pictures.)

How CUTE is my cousins' baby McKenna? Don't you want to DIE, just LITERALLY DIE when you see this picture? No? Still alive? It's cool, you don't have a soul.

Family time done, Jeff and I were off to NYC in the morning....

We got there around 1 p.m. and headed over the Virgil's for BBQ off a recommendation from my buddy Tim.

I'm not much of a BBQ fan, but this was very good. Jeff loved his sandwich. You still with me?

That night we were headed out to see Conan's live show at Radio City Music Hall.

BUT FIRST!

See these two blurry figures? That's Jessica (at this here hyperlink you can find her highly entertaining blog -- and yes, she's that stunning in person) and her band dude a.k.a husband, Jesse. They were friends of a friend who became real friends because who wouldn't want to be friends with me?

Don't answer that.

Anyways, they've become a staple on NYC trips whether they want to be or not. They met us out at a brewery near Radio City and we talked all things hip. There was an extended conversation on horror movies that I didn't contribute to much (Me: "Derrrrr, I don't like scary movies.") These two actually submitted themselves to the Human Centipede.

And then they submitted themselves to some photos of us, which might be equally disturbing. (I'm on the forefront of self-depricating humor.)

These pictures are a good example of how much cooler Jessica is than I am.

Here's a photo she took of us on my iPhone camera.

And one with hers.

Mine.

Hers.

Sent away in shame because of my inferior cellphone picture technology (jkjkjk) we were off to Conan!

And I did. Oh, I did.

Conan's show was awesome. Totally worth the trip, from the opening act to the end. You know what's fun? Laughing. And I did. A lot. WIN.

The next morning, we were off to Hoboken, N.J. While Jeff conducted a phone interview, I took some more pictures of myself.

I am so into me.

One of these days I'll get it right.

View of NYC from Hoboken.

Cannoli pit stop.

We met up with Zach, one of Jeff's groomsmen and best friends who gave us the 10 cent tour of Hoboken and subjected us to a series of thought provoking questions that made me question my entire existence for about a good 17 minutes.

Then Zach, Jeff and I headed to....

Over the past few weeks my coworkers have spent an unreasonable amount of time talking about ballpark food. Seriously, take the amount of time you could comfortably talk about what food you enjoy/don't enjoy eating at a ballpark, double it, multiply it by pi and add four hours and that's how long we talked about it. So here's my sausage and peppers guys.

Crazy eyes, killa!

Zach and Jeff. Missing is the third piece of the triangle, good friend Steve Sears, who was the best man at my wedding and the frosting in this oreo. Zach managed to call him, though, to keep him part of the group, greeting him over the phone, "Hey, stupid."

It was a beautiful night for a ballgame, and these two spoke while I daydreamed about if I could jump from my seat and manage to grab onto the foul pole. (Spoiler: I decided against it.)

All in all, it was a good week/end. (And other generic endings to posts.)

For those that read to the end, what would you like to see me write about, anything? Nothing? Leave me a comment if you read.

No one's interested in something you didn't do

You know what I like? Pictures. You know what's even better than pictures? Cell phone pictures. When I see something cool, I instantly want to remember that moment as it would have appeared to me after Dwight Howard and I played one on one. (You come here, of course, for the topical humor.)

What better place to clean out my iPhone then on my blog. Here are some images I've captured over the last few months.


You can't really see what's going on here. That is the point of cell phone photography. On a related note, I snapped these two old women while they were in Dunkin Donuts one weekday morning, ignoring each other and texting on their cell phones. I like to imagine they were texting each other.

Old lady #1: "Have you tried the new bagel twists, homie?"
Old lady #2: "Natch."
Old lady #1: "LOL"
Old lady #2: "Let's put the top down and listen to some GAGA."


I wanted these sneakers for Christmas. I took a photo of the shoes and the box with the brand name and style and forwarded it around to the appropriate people. I didn't get them. This is because most of the people who buy me presents don't actually like me all that much.


After I scoped out the sneakers, I went to the GAP and took pictures of myself trying on clothes. This was all while I was supposed to be out buying Christmas presents for other people. Should I have gotten this dress? It could have changed my entire existence. Just another one of those what-ifs in life.




"Look at this jerk," I said to myself while I snapped this picture. "People will be as outraged as me when they see this photo."


Jeff was pretty excited to go out and play some golf one Saturday morning. Did I mention those shorts are reversable, BECAUSE THEY ARE. Find the five hidden unicorns in our bedroom!



Jeff and I went to go see Seinfeld at Foxwoods. What's the deal with my husband never wanting to pose for pictures?


This is me on the other side of the table, so now you can truly put the pieces together.


This is a picture of something on the SportsCenter set. I'm pretty sure it includes the key to the finale of LOST. (You definitely came for the topical humor!)

It's fair to describe my caption skills as mediocre, but with a birthday party, Memorial Day and trip to NYC upcoming, you'll have lots to look forward in the upcoming days in terms of mobile photography. Maybe I'll do a submit your own caption, because the people seem to like those.

Did you know I have 22 subscribers to this blog... seriously, who are you folks? Reveal yourself and win a free T-shirt!

See you in another life, brutha

And my reign of clever blog post titles CONTINUES. Awwww yeah... nice. E-five!

What I'm going to do in this here blog post is do a bit of a "live blog" of the LOST finale. It's totally my thing, but you kind of knew that. And you're so glad you came. So come, waste a few minutes of your life with me. ::Takes off shoes, puts on sneakers::

8:05: I'm going to go get a fountain coke (oops, you'd have LOVED to know what I typed there by accident) from the Cumberland Farms up the road. Brb.

8:21: ::Sips coke:: (oh man, that typo would be really unfortunate there). Ah, something about a fountain coke that's better than a regular one, amirite? The sugar is concentrated! And what's the deal with those automatic flushing toilets? Wacky!

My options at the gas station for cups were, no joke, LARGE, LARGE and LARGE. This cup is heavier than a newborn baby. So DON'T YOU JUDGE ME! At least I wasn't there to buy cigarettes. Those things will kill ya. ::Pops peanut M&M::

Anyways, where were we? Ah, the LOST finale. I just want you to know, that while I'm not the biggest LOST superfan on planet Earth, I never wavered in my support of the show. Even in the finale stinks, it will still be one of the best shows ever on TV. That said, if the finale sucks, I may murder a stray cat, just to get a release.

8:27: "Tonight at 12, cure for food allergies in a shot glass of hookworms?" Um, pass.

8:42: They've just gotten to the recap of the Richard episode of this season. I say... second best regular season (non-finale) episode of the show. The episode where Charlie dies was probably the best. Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation here.

8:49: Ten minutes away! How's that for an update!

8:55: Worst job in show business -- John Locke's body double.

8:59: And aaaaawwwwwwayyyy we go!

9:00: Gahhhh we don't need more recap, just got on with it brutha!

9:08: I'm feeling the beginning already. They've stepped up everything, the acting, the scenery, the music, like they always do for finales. This exchange also took place between Jeff and I.

Me: "I think Jack is dying in this episode."

Jeff: "I agree." ::pause:: "You should get that prediction down. That way you can prove you predicted it. That's how predictions work." Predication.... made.

9:15: "What was this dog's name? Mitch? Buddy? Spot?" Oh hey, it's Rose and Bernard. Don't care, don't care, don't care. "Oh yes Desmond, you will." Not the best dialogue ever. We're 20 minutes in friends.

Am I the only one enjoying this NBA speech-autotune commercials? I think they're creative. Jeff thinks they're awful. Thoughts? Leave them in the comments. Or just speak directly at the screen. It's the thought that counts.

9:21: Miles and Richard. Two characters I do care about, yet completely forgot about coming into this finale. Yikes, they have a lot of loose ends here.

9:24: Oh hai, Juliet.

9:25: I never get any cool flashbacks. I only get very specific hunger cravings. My life sucks.

9:27: "I can access your mind... through your dreams." Not now, "Inception" trailer. I can't handle. Wait your turn to scramble my brain please.

9:36: Oooooh! Jack v. Smoke Monster. Royal Rumble.

The thing is.... Jack is ALWAYS wrong. They've pretty much established that as a given this entire series. So... will tonight be different? Will pigs fly? Will hell freeze over? And who said you could finish all the peanut M&Ms BRO?

9:40: Juliet is the MOM. I did not see that .... well, yeah I kinda did. And what divorced people get along that well? This really is a sideways world! (See... see what I did there?)

9:46: Speaking of "seeing what you did there" .... bravo Target. Advertising works, kids.

9:48: I just got choked up because I'm honestly going miss Hurley on TV.

Shannon and Sayid: Goosebumps. Hello, beautiful people. Ridiculously beautiful people.

9:53: Finale definitely not letting me down so far. It's moving along at a good pace. I'm actually starting to get sad it's almost over. Also not letting me down: Twitter trending "Smoke Monster" right under "Craig Sager." If the smoke monster had taken the shape of Craig Sager, this would have been a much different show.

10:00: I never get invited to swank parties to benefit Natural History Museums. I don't think I've ever been to a Natural History Museum period. I don't even know what natural history means! My life sucks.

10:03: What just happened, what just happened, what just happened?! Jack is wrong again?!? What just happened, what just happened, what just happened?! OR IS HE?!

Jacob chose... poorly. And now the island is going to rapidly age and blow into dust!

I just told my coworker Chris, on the West coast, that "things just got gully." I brought that word back from a past life. I shall now beat it into the ground over the next few weeks, kthx.

10:12: I sure hope when the day comes, and I have to deliver a baby, the labor lasts 5 minutes and I push three times. #ThingsImWillingToOverlook. Oh, is this not Twitter?

10:18: Words failing me. They're really bringing it. Halfway through mon freres.

10:23: "Now it's Creed! Now Balboa!" And yes, I got that spear in the side Biblical reference, LOST. You can't put one past ol' Emily, nosireebob. HATED Kate's line, LIKED (didn't LOVE) that she was the one to kill him. Kinda.

10:28: This live blog has really fallen apart, eh? Tonight, a friend of mine used the word "ill-conceived" to describe me. Right... what kind of description is that? One hour left!

10:33: "See me where?" That's what I want to know!! Where are they going? Am I invited? No? I'm not? Why not? What's wrong with the way I dress? You don't have to be that way about it.

10:36: "Tell me I'm going to see you again." Oh, I'll tell you... WITH MY TONGUE.

10:45: "Did we live together in the 70s?" -- Line courtesy of my husband.

10:48: LOST: Making finale clip shows WORK.

10:57: They're really packing a punch emotionally, eh? "I'll see you in another life, brutha!" Whammo! The rest of this blog is just going to be me making sound effects.

11:05: You know, I don't know what the light is but I don't really care. This show is just so yummy.

10:12: Michael Emerson, one of the best actors on TV, period. Hope he lands somewhere. AND WHERE ARE THEY GOING?

10:15: 15 minutes and LOST is DONE. Sad face.

11:18: Is this like Cocoon? Where they gather up the old people about leaving and they all turn into glowing orbs and float into the sky? Is that Cocoon? That seems wrong. Hell if I know.

11:26: Tears, tears!

11:27: Hate to interrupt the tears, but seems pretty glaring they left out Walt and Michael from this little shindig!

11:30: Speechless. Give me time to digest.

OK, I did. Best finale ever.

Breathe out, so I can breathe you in

Oh GOSH do you know it's going to be an excellent blog post when I quote EVERLONG in the title. It's like the apex (makes tiny triangle over head) of creativity. You're thinking, this girl knows her epically popular 90s songs and this blog post is going to be goooooooood.

Unfortunately, I have nothing to write about.

When I sit down to write a blog post with nothing to say I end up sounding equal parts stoned and equal parts suicidal. (Note: I am neither. OR AM I? I am not.)

(Also, the more parentheticals I use THE BETTER. AM I RIGHT? Note: This also applies to CAPS.)

So what's been up, boyee? Not too much. Not too much. I just opened a bag of Sun Chips and the bag made such a loud noise Jeff immediately said, "You're gonna need a plate."

It's that kind of up to date information on my life you've been missing.

Possible topics for this post were pitched as:

1. The Rape Condom

2. The Human Centipede.

3. [Redacted]

4. Camel Spiders

5. My singing abilities

6. Bras or Pants -- which sucks more to wear?

I don't think I should touch the first two (LITERALLY! Hey-o!) because this is a family blog. Also: Don't google camel spiders. They will haunt your dreams and then actually eat out your brains through your eyeballs in your sleep. Or so I've been told.

My singing abilities were "shown off" last Wednesday night in a dive country western bar in downtown Bristol, CT the other night. Don't worry, I'll text you the address. My coworkers (hi Chris!) and I had all gathered for our annual gathering for gathering's sake, and this bar was just one short gravely walk across the parking lot from our hotel. Naturally, we ended up living there for three days. Note: When you walk in somewhere and it has a mechanical bull you know you're in for a good time even though no one in your party will have the guts to ride it any look like a fool.

Fortunately, there was plenty of time to look like a fool as Wednesday's are karaoke. Karaoke was being run by a guy who looked like Mario Batali's fatter, less successful and more musical little brother. He had a long red ponytail and apparently a very fruitful career which had let him to our little corner of the world on that night.

Not a lot of people in our group were really gutsy (is gutsy the right word?) enough for karaoke, but we finally goaded one of the writers up to the stage where he then blew our minds with a particularly straight faced and unforgettable performance of Gin & Juice, complete with a few loud "Biatch!"'s at the end. Well done, sir.

My buddy Tim was up next, singing "Radar Love" -- a song which I have never heard before in my life, but sounded brilliant. Tim then suggested he and I sing a song.

Now, I'm not shy. I'm not adverse to making a fool of myself in public, speaking my mind, doing the robot, drinking too much and revealing embarrassing details about myself, etc. This is why people always have the utmost respect for me. But I can't sing. So I don't usually karaoke.

But Tim was goading me, and wanting to be a good sport, I obliged. The exchange went something like this.

Tim: "Let's sing Barenaked Ladies 'If I Had a Million Dollars.' Everyone will love it and be singing along with us at the end."

Me: Dopey smile and complete trust in this statement.

Cue us on stage. Song starts. Awwww... damn. I really don't know this song that well at all.

***Crickets***

There is video of this somewhere, but I could only watch the first 20 seconds before I wanted to die of shame. And thus ends my karaoke career. (But who are WE kidding!)

By the end of the three days I realized I have pretty much the coolest coworkers on the planet which makes my job so easy and great. I'm so damn lucky, you know that? I don't think there's many girls on this planet who have surrounded themselves with such amazing and funny and good (I broke out the thesaurus there!) people as I have. And by surrounded, I mean virtually. I see them once a year. They don't know how little I shower and that's probably a good thing.

I'll wrap this up by saying, it's a close debate but ultimately: Pants.

-- Drops mic --

It's da Oscahs!

Throwing my hat in for meaningless Oscar blogs.

I only do the major categories: Best Movie, Best Actor/Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress because it's my blog and I'll pull it right over if you don't SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Besides, what do I know about directing, or screenplays, or art design? Nuthin.

We'll start with movies.

So OMG, did you hear?! TEN movies were nominated for Best Picture. And I saw nine of them, which is pretty good but essentially frustrating. I so do enjoy a good 100%.

We'll rank them in order I liked them.

It's tough, because I really did mostly enjoy all of them ...

1. District 9 -- I didn't want to see this movie. I thought it would suck. It most definitely did not suck. I really, really, really enjoyed it and Sharlto Copley rocked my world. I had to look up his name, but he had the best performance of the year (more on that later.) Obviously not going to win, but it makes no matter to me ... Best movie of the year.

2. Precious -- I watched this movie with one of the worst audiences I've ever shared a movie space with. But the emotion of this movie cut through the jerkoffs in the theater. The praise for Mariah Carey is a little overrated, but the other acting performances in this movie are extremely moving.

3. Up in the Air -- I think I wrote enough about this one.

4. UP -- Yeah it's a cartoon. So what. It's original ... for a cartoon.

5. Inglorious Basterds -- My favorite Tarantino movie. Acting in this also top-notch.

6. The Hurt Locker -- I know, sixth!?! Like I said, I enjoyed all these movies, I really did. I think seeing the Hurt Locker on the home TV instead of the movie theater hurt my perception. It was very suspenseful, but the ending felt ever so slightly off for me, and the plot slightly predictable.

7. The Blind Side -- Speaking of predictable... (Still a very solid sports movie.)

8. Avatar -- Speaking of predictable... (Still a very solid sci-fi movie.)

9. A Serious Man -- Well, first of all. I spent the first 45 minutes thinking Colin Firth was supposed to show up. Second of all, I've come to the conclusion I just don't enjoy Coen Brothers movies at all. This wasn't the worst of them (Intolerable Cruelty). I felt like this was trying to be a Tarantino movie, but with Jews. And not butt-kickin' ones.

10. An Education -- N/A. Didn't see it.

----------------------

Best Actor

Well..... I didn't see Crazy Heart, Invictus or, turns out, A Single Man. The other two nominees were good, but didn't blow me away. Why wasn't Copley (I had to look it up again) nominated for District 9??!?! My blogging buddy Jessica tells me it's because the Academy doesn't like to nominate first-time actors, but then why I ask you, why were some of these others nominees nominated?! I have no doubt she has a much smarter and well thought out answer for that than I do. But she's away so I get to pound my fists!

When in doubt, go with Ebert: "Bridges' great performance swept the critics' awards, won a Golden Globe, a SAG award and now looks like the winner. Jeremy Renner or George Clooney could win, but Bridges has the momentum."

----------------------

Best Actress

I hit three of the five here. Just because Meryl Streep is good in everything doesn't mean she should get nominated every time. I feel like they threw Blind Side into Best Picture just to make it fathomable to nominate Sandra Bullock. I mean, she was good. But ... you know. It was a slightly above average sports film.

Gabby Sidibe was brilliant in Precious. And, while I know this has absolutely nothing to do with the Oscars, has turned out to be one of the most likable females in Hollywood in ages. I really, really hope she wins.

----------------

Best Supporting Actor

Errr... yeah. I only saw Christoph Waltz and from what I hear, that's all that matters. He was super duper crazy good in Iglorious Basterds and I can't wait to see him in more stuff.

---------------

Best Supporting Actress

Monique wasn't a character in Precious. She was a person. She was a real person and I believed every ounce of that performance. Blown. Away. Game. Set. Match.

Heading to the gym and then red carpet and then Oscars! (I won't actually be there, but you know.)