Baby, I'm yours

DUCK BUTT!!

You know you haven't blogged in a while when your browser doesn't autocomplete your domain name.

I'm back, baby!*

*This may or may not be my last blog post for another 3 months.

So yes, the rumors are true. You can stop digging through my trash cans and hyper-pixelating pictures of my stomach.

I am pregnant. Fifteen weeks and three days to be specific. That's about three and a half months, if my maths are correct.

As you can see from this picture, my baby does indeed have a head.

You laugh, but I feared that for about two days. That I'd go to the ultrasound and my baby wouldn't have a head. Because that's pregnancy in a nutshell -- fear. Fear that your baby won't survive the nine months inside you, that it will be born with something wrong, that that Benadryl the doctor told you was OK to take is giving your baby a third eye, that putting your laptop too close to your ute will burn off your baby's eyebrows. Will my baby even have eyebrows? Will it be born eyebrowless?? What a nightmare.

Beyond these fears I'll give you a little FAQ of my pregnancy so far:

Whoops, you're pregnant! Way to go Em! Guess you didn't mean to do that?!?

Listen, jerkwad. I meant to get pregnant. Just because I didn't TELL you I was trying doesn't mean I wasn't. We're just not that close, and it was nunyabizness.

AND EVEN IF I WASN'T (but I was) trying to get pregnant, I wouldn't have been upset. I'm married, I love my husband, we have a home, jobs, are older than 16 and live a pretty happy life. And not to get all Michelle Duggar on you, but I believe children are a blessing. I would have been psyched either way.

So now what? When are you due? What is the baby's sex? What are you going to name it??

Now what is that I let this baby cook for another 25 weeks, godwilling. I am due the end of June. I am not finding out the baby's sex. No, I don't care if this makes you roll your eyes. Yes, I will be able to hold out. No, I don't care that I'll have to shop gender neutral.

As for the names, we're keeping that to ourselves as well. It will be one big giant surprise for everyone the day of. No spoilers on this blog.

Are you going to breastfeed? Will you circumcise a boy? Do you plan on delivering naturally?

I'm sorry, do I know you? No, you're not my husband asking me these questions? Why do people think this is their business? Pregnancy is not a "Get out of the rudeness of asking personal questions free card." That would be hard to put on a card anyway, it's long.

Should you be eating/drinking/doing that?

Yes. I should, Dr. Nobody.

How are you feeling?

I'm feeling OK. I've been telling people that pregnancy is every disgusting thing your body can do, all at once. I'll spare you the details, but you can imagine. I went through a three-week nausea period, a 4-week period where it hurt to be awake, and now I'm going through some pregnancy congestion and pregnancy nosebleeds. Yeah, nosebleeds. Jeff walked by me the other day with a tissue rammed up my nose and sighed, "You're falling apart." And he still kissed me.

Which brings us to...

Is Jeff excited?

Jeff is tremendously excited. He named our baby "Bun" which has stuck, and is a nice alternative to "it" or "he/she." He's bought a ton of baby books already, clothes, and has really taken to the monkey theme for our nursery. See picture:

He's been helpful and supportive and everything I could want in a husband. We are so tremendously excited and eager to meet our little bun. Stay tuned!

Any questions for me? Is anyone still out there?