How NOT to behave at a wedding

When you have an open bar at your wedding, you are guaranteed at least one jackass, right?

Meet "Jackass" (sorry for the bad pic, best one I could get)

So, "Jackass" appeared about four hours into the reception, dancing up a storm on the dance floor, clearly wasted, jumping from woman to woman. I didn't REALLY notice how obnoxious he was until he took a cup of coffee on the dance floor, approached the bride and came thisclose to spilling it on her. I think I would have tackled him before that happened.

He sort of reminded me ... you know that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry gets stuck to a drunk British guy on the plane? And he makes him babysit his dog? That's EXACTLY how this guy sounded/acted.

So JA disappeared from the dance floor after a bit. Suddenly, there is a crowd by the pool -- like at a baseball game where a fight breaks out -- all of a sudden everyone is turning and rushing over there.

I get to the pool and see JA on the diving board ... in his boxers. I go to grab my camera, lift up my arm and ... uh, oh, no longer wearing the boxers. 

Let me get something straight. This wasn't an act of spontinaety. He didn't strip off all his clothes quickly and jump in the pool. This was a performance; a drunken, stupid performance. 

He waited on the diving board for at least 30 seconds, naked. I kept waiting for him to scream out "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!" Finally, he jumped in the pool.

Yup, that's the best picture I got.

He waded in there for a while, before getting out, and with no shyness, drying off. Then he put his clothes back on and rejoined the party.

I ran over to my cousin, brother of the bride and said, "WHO IS THAT GUY?!?!"

His answer? "The former mayor of Block Island."

Golden God, indeed.

****

Many people would want to know how the bride reacted. The truth is she took it in stride, despite the fact that not only was this guy the former mayor of Block Island, he was also her current boss. Yep.