Six sports media happenings that must end. Now.

6. It needs to end:  Any mention/reference/allusion, etc. to Jessica Simpson and her impact on any sporting event that doesn't include a wet t-shirt or some sort of competitive eating contest. Jessica Simpson has nothing to do with why your team sucks, no more than Tony Romo is to blame for 'The Dukes of Hazard.' Let it go 'boys fans.

5. They need to go: More than two people calling a game. It was a tried and true tradition for decades: the play-by-play guy and the color commentator. Now the trend is to have the above two... and a recently retired player who has no grasp on the English language. (Oh hai Eric Young!) Commentators are supposed to be informative, but unobtrusive. They aren't supposed to saturate us with their ever-changing opinions on the game, their completely off-topic trains of thoughts, or their comments on current events -- sports related or not (I'm looking at you Joe Morgan). Stick to the game, thnx.

4. Stop it, please: Trying to make Kobe Bryant look like a nice guy. In Game 5, I watched ABC cut away from Kobe clearly about to go off on a teammate to...  two minutes later showing him winking at the camera (or his cheerleader girlfriend?) and kissing his daughters on the way down the tunnel. You ain't foolin' me.

3. He has to stop: Mike Ditka talking about anything but his ED. (for comic purposes.) He is no doubt the WORST panelist ever drudged up from the sports relics society and placed on a swivel chair. The man has never completed a sentence ... ever. Sometimes, they just have to cut away from him to Keyshawn Johnson while Chris Berman and Tom Jackson look on in abject horror. How was this man ever a successful coach? I can imagine him in the huddle, "You're gonna want to get back on .. well, I mean the offense needs to be .... you're not taking into account the receivers ability to ... huddle up and make sure ... get back in the game." This guy is the Paula Abdul of sports talking heads.

2. It needs to end: In-game interviews of coaches/players. I cringe every time they're on. They are without a doubt the most worthless interviews ever. Take the NBA playoffs -- poor Michelle Tafoya. I don't envy her in the least bit. She has to interview either players/coaches who A.) are down in the game and royally pissed off (hint: not very condusive to a great interview) or B.) hitting on her. So either way she's dodging dripping sweat or unprofessional come-ons. I don't think we even have to mention Suzy Kolber here ... (Funny aside about that: I was watching that Jets game with Jeff's dad. When Namath started speaking, Jeff's dad said, "Did he have a stroke? He must have had a stroke" Um, no Mr. S. Just a drunken perv.)

But that's not even the main reason I don't like them. I'm not a sports purist or anything, but I just feel like they take away from the joy of being a spectator. Feeling like the players/coaches are "aware" of the media during a game just reeks. It's not necessary, it's uncomfortable for the interviewer, the interviewee and the viewer at home. 

1. I have to stop hearing this: This whole 'You talk about..." trend. This has become a mandatory phrase/sentence starter for about a year now and it's driving me mad. Starting a sentence with 'You talk about...." has, many times, nothing to do with what they are talking about. It's a completely inane catchphrase along the lines of 'You know what I'm sayin?' It often precedes a completely stupefying train of thought, becomes a terrible transition catch-all or starts a line of conversation, ironically, no one, no where, has ever been talking about. Such as: "You talk about back-up Celtics point guards with heads like aliens ..." "You talk about Kobe Bryant's favorite sex position..."

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I'm pretty sure I'll have many addendums to this post over the coming years. But that's all I can think of for now.