Mother of Frankenstein

Woosh. As hideous and odious as many bridal gowns I have happened upon are... they don't even hold a candle to the utter atrociousness of Mother of the Bride dresses. If they say you put your bridesmaids in ugly dresses to detract attention from them and put it on you ... then mother of the brides dresses must be payback for years of nagging on your wardrobe, criticizing your lifestyle choices and annoying you about the wedding. (So they say, I of course have NO experience in this ... hi mom!)

I want (and my mom wants as well) to look classy and dignified, age appropriate but a little fancy. She doesn't want to look like the first lady, she doesn't want to be bejewelled or be-ruffled, and she doesn't want to look like she's attending the Academy Awards, circa 1978.
 

Also, can we address something right now. Can someone tell my why they have 20-year-old models modeling Mother of the Brides dresses? It doesn't make any sense for normal bridal apparel, but especially not for the MOB dresses. Can anyone answer this? Is this to make women feel bad at all stages of life? Whatever.

Here are some awful choices I've come across:

This looks nice, but can I see something in the color "turd"?

For the mother of the bride who wants to enjoy the wedding... but be out in time to make it to her Olympic figure skating competition.

I told my mom this one was good. She could wear it to my wedding, and then to the following Halloween where she could be "Strawberry Shortcake." Two birds!

This one kills two birds with one stone as well. Instead of giving favors, my mom can read your palm.

I could do this all day. Here's one my mom actually did sort of like, if you think we're being too picky. 

Is this so hard? This was one out of 500 dresses I looked through. The only one I sent to my mom where I wasn't joking. Yikes.