Project Runway Season 5 Premiere Live (kinda) Blog!

In the interest of full disclosure, I've seen this once before I've written this blog. I was able to fit in Project Runway and the gym in one sweaty, fierce hour. But let's be honest... did you really think I wasn't going to watch the show again when it repeated an hour later? (Right now my mom is sighing, "Oh Emily, get a life" -- yes my mother would really say that ;) But I like to write, so I am still going to write this pretending I don't already know what happens.

I didn't get to experience PR round 1 with Jeff as he wimped out and played B-ball. But he sure is excited this time around ... wait, where is he? Get out of the shower! Finally a show we can both relate to on an emotional level and you think showering is more important? As if!

Onto the live blog!

10:59: Watching the end of Shear Genuis, which is one step above unwatchable in my book. Notice I said one step. Hey, it's a slow summer.

11:00: The first designer we meet is Terrell's chest. Oh, I mean, Terrell the former model, current designer for Saudi royals. That's quite the gig. I edit blogs for royal pain in the asses. Bada-bing! I'll be here all night.

11:01: "I have a ridiculous obsession with tanning." Moments later Blayne reveals he's from Seattle. Well, then I can't really blame you. But you work at a coffee shop? How did you get on this show? Not impressed.

11:02: Jerry Tam. I like this guy right off. "I'm on the forefront of being a big name in the industry." Yeah, um, so am I. To borrow a line from fellow designer Kelli, "I'm like if the designers from K-Mart and Dick's Sporting Goods had a baby."

11:04: Joe, this season's token straight guy. He makes sure we know he's straight by mentioning his daughters right off the bat. And growing a goatee. I forsee an elimination in Episode 8. 

11:05: Is there some sort of rule that the designers have to stand 20 feet away from Hiedi? Tim gives a rousing rooftop speech, complete with two fist pumps. I think that's the first time his wrist has seen daylight since 2001. (By the way, is Tim Gunn Red Sox owner John Henry's gay brother? Consider with the picture on the right.)

11:07: Kenley. Faux-retro or genuine? We'll wait to see. 

11:10: It's only 10 minutes in and Jeff already has a least favorite contestant: Suede. It keeps in line with Jeff's general dislike of all people named after non-waterproof fabrics. (Edit: Reading over this Jeff says, "Plus, you didn't even mention that he has a denim vest with his name spelled out in rhinestones. Can I get one for Christmas?" A sentence I never thought I'd hear him utter...)

11:11: OMG. It's Austin Scarlett, wearing less makeup than usual. So excited to see him back. There's not nearly enough Austin Scarlett on TV. The first challenge will be a throw-back to Season 1's first challenge: make a garment from materials found at a grocery store. Although there are a a few challenges I'd like to see again (wedding dress anyone?), I don't know if this was it.

11:12: "I'm a mom, so I know a supermarket when I see one," says Korto.  Wow. Um. Good thing you're a mom ...

11:12: Making a dress out of garbage bags, Stella? Um, hello, did you see Season 1? Why would you ever try to re-create the look that got the first ever contestant eliminated. I'm amazed that people on reality shows are so stupid when it comes to general show knowledge. This ranks up there with the contestants on America's Next Top Model being late coming back from their go-sees and being eliminated. Oh boy, I've lost my last male reader right there.

11:19: I for one was hoping Joe was making a "Fusilli Jerry." You know, because he's silly! Anyone? Anyone?

11:19: I see Daniel's plastic cup dress and I'm immediately thinking "winner." It looks cool, challenging and chic. I'm channeling my inner Michael Kors right now. 

11:21: Stella is coming off her heavy dose of qualudes and realizing making a dress out of trash bags is "garbage." Somebody give this girl some caffine. Stellllllllaaaaa!

11:23: Tim's making his rounds. He likes Daniel's dress, no surprise. He also likes Kelli's dress, although I'm not a fan, I think she'll be "in." Jeff says: "I like her." Also no surprise. Jeff typically gravitates towards the best looking designer. I think it helps him forget what kind of show he's watching.

11:25: Jerry is realizing he's sh*t out of luck. I'm a little worried for my initial favorite. His shower curtain/tablecloth combo isn't impressing Tim. And if it doesn't impress Tim, it's definitely not going to impress Nee-nah Gah-sea-ah.

11:32: "I really feel like I'm going to make a fool of myself," says Stella. Too late. "If I'm eliminated first, I'll be the biggest jackass in the nation," she adds. Again, too late.

11:34: "I have to hand stich the crotch area," says Blayne. I'm not a model (No, really) but those have to be the scariest words for them to ever hear, right? Other than, "Congratulations, you get to meet Tyra Banks!"

11:38: Jeff's asleep. Congrats to those who chose the 30 minute over! You get a free Del's lemonade on me. 

11:40: Runway show time. Prizes are the same as the last time, for the most part. I learn that Austin Scarlett is the creative director for Kenneth Pool and I'm genuinely happy for him.

11:41: Her dress got overlooked, but Emily's lace table cloth, bouncy-ball dress is one of my favorites. She should be here until close to the end.

11:42: Sorry, Korto. I don't like kale on my plate and I definitely don't like it around my neck. Why take such a throw away vegetable and use it for the garment? It's clear none of these designers will top Austin's corn husk dress from the first time around.

11:44: Will the following designers please step forward ... Daniel, Jerry, Korto, Stella, Kelli, Blayne. Pretty much as expected. My money's on Daniel to win and Stella to be OUD.

11:45: Oh Jerry. This looks terrible. It looks like she's wearing a maxi pad. Michael Kors calls it "Bridal Nurse." What does that even mean? Heidi says "Hospital plummer." I'm guessing these aren't good things.

11:49: Kelli's dress is kind of cool I guess, but I don't feel comfortable with the emphasis on the chest area. I think that's too easy. "You made something girls would want to wear." I can't even tell you the ways in which I disagree with this statement, but then again I'm wearing tear-away snap addidas pants. So ... 

11:52: After an especially biting commentary session from the judges, I'm feeling genuinely bad for whomever gets eliminated first. It's pretty much a total waste of time going on Project Runway, or any reality show for that matter, to be eliminated first. It pretty much means you are the most pathetic of all the contestants. Your 15 minutes of fame will coincide with your utter FAIL. In other words, I'm rooting for Stella to go home. 

11:56: Kelli wins. I have to say I'm surprised. I thought Daniel's keg cup dress would take it. Kelli will be a frontrunner for sure though.

11:57: Down to Jerry and Stella. Boom. Bam. Boom. Bam. "Jerry ... your oud." Wow. I'm kind of surprised. Jerry's was bad, but Stella's was hella bad. One of my early favorite personalities was eliminated early. I'll get over it.

Well that's all. I'm pretty excited about this season, and I don't usually get a favorite until the third or fourth episode so I'm going to have to reserve judgement there. The "This season on Project Runway..." montage is stupid and uniformative: throw in a couple of gasps, a cuss word, a couple of tears, a snarky Tim Gunn comment "It looks like a gay terridactyl  from Jurassic Park" and a snarky Michael Kors comment "Slutty, Slutty, Slutty." It's a wrap. Until next time ... Auf Wiedersehen!